a beautiful and a burning thing
by katiekayx
Summary: "Even though he desperately wants her to be happy, he also knows that the kingdom needs her, but more than that, he needs her, more than he's ever needed anyone, and it's terrifying to imagine a future that doesn't include her in it, by his side, always."


**Focuses on Killian's time in the Enchanted Forest after the new curse. Stay tuned kids, this one has a happy ending!**

**I don't own Once Upon A Time, or the characters. I also don't own the song that inspired this and gave me the title - "Don't Let Me Be Lonely" by The Band Perry.**

**No warnings for this one. Just a bit of angst and fluff.**

* * *

_I need a saving grace,  
A hiding place  
I don't have forever or time to waste  
So don't let me be lonely_

The year he spends in the Enchanted Forest without Emma is by far the longest year of Killian Jones' life, and that's saying something. He _is_ nearly three hundred and thirty years old, after all.

He tries to stay busy by helping the Charmings restore their kingdom and their castle, but his mind is constantly drifting back to the blonde princess that they had to leave behind, and he finds himself in the worst moods more often than not.

He keeps his promise. He thinks about her every day, every hour, and every minute that they're apart. While it nearly kills him to live in the castle with her parents, he feels a responsibility to make sure that the royal family are safe and happy, because that's what she would want. She sacrificed her memories, her _life_ to make sure that her family would remain intact. He will not disrespect her wishes by retreating to his ship and sailing far away from the Enchanted Forest, although some days the temptation to do just that is greater than he'd like to admit.

It's harder than he imagined to be around her family, especially now that everything her mother and father do leave echoes of Emma in their wake. Snow's fierce determination and love for her family remind him of how Emma was when they climbed that beanstalk together, and David's protectiveness make Killian long for the days when he could flirt with Emma simply to get a reaction from her father.

He knows that Regina is miserable without Henry, and he has made it no secret about how it feels to be without Emma, so he doesn't understand why no one is working on a plan to get the both of them back where they belong.

(Because he believes it with all his heart, that she belongs here, with her family, with _him_)

He brings it up time and time again and only succeeds in making Snow upset and drawing out David's ire, and while he regrets making them upset, he also knows that they are not happy, and that is not what Emma would have wanted. He sometimes wonders if he is assuming too much when he thinks thoughts like that - that Emma would want this, or Emma would want that - but he also remembers her face the last time they saw each other, remembers the way she said _good_ and how she had looked at his lips and he had looked at hers, and he should have kissed her, _gods, why didn't he kiss her?_

The days come and go, and new threats are starting to unveil themselves, including a particularly formidable witch from Oz, who apparently was aligned with Cora, and in turn has threatened to end the kingdom as they know it. Killian is confident in the crack team that he has assembled to protect the castle, but he is certain that they don't stand a chance against anyone with magic, even with Regina inside their walls. Regina feels as though she can break through to the Wicked Witch, and sets out for Oz, leaving the entire kingdom on the edge of their seat until she returns weeks later, bruised and battered. It goes without saying that the Witch did not take well to her dead friend's daughter showing up at her doorstep to try and talk peace on behalf of the very woman who killed her. Regina relays that the Wicked Witch has magic far stronger than expected, and a general feeling of dread settles over the castle for days afterwards.

Killian is more sure than ever that they need Emma. They need the Savior, and he prepares to leave in the morning without telling Snow and Charming. They'll try to stop him, and he isn't sure that he can listen to another spiel about how Emma is living a better life in the realm without magic.

(Even though he desperately wants her to be happy, he also knows that the kingdom needs her, but more than that, _he_ needs her, more than he's ever needed anyone, and it's terrifying to imagine a future that doesn't include her in it, by his side, always)

David catches him trying to leave before dawn, and he nearly breaks down when he tries to stop him.

"I cannot sit here and watch everything you hold dear be destroyed. We have no weapons that can defeat her, not even Regina, and you know as well as I do that the only person that can help us now is Emma."

"She is happy. Wherever she is, she's happy with Henry, and that is all we have ever wanted for her. We can't risk bringing her back here when we're facing a threat like this," David reasons, and Killian sets his jaw and clenches his fist.

"Mate, there's not going to be a kingdom left for her to come back to if we don't try and retrieve her now! You heard Regina. Unless she can learn some new defensive spells, she is not powerful enough to take on the Wicked Witch alone. That leaves one solution."

"What if you can't make her remember, Jones? What then? What if she doesn't _want_ to come back?"

Killian's heart nearly shatters in his chest at the very thought that he wouldn't be able to make her remember, but he also knows that it's a very real possibility. "I'll make her remember. I'll… I'll get Regina to make a potion. I'll convince Emma to drink it."

David looks unconvinced, so Killian plays the last card that he has in his hand. "I know you and Snow miss her terribly, and the truth of it is that I do too. I'm… I'm in love with your daughter." He grits his teeth, "I'd do anything to have her back, because there's no point in my staying here if she is never going to return." He thinks he should be embarrassed at how his voice cracks, but he can't find it in himself to care.

David is quiet for a long moment, and then with a sigh, he finally gives his consent. "Go. Don't give me a chance to change my mind."

Killian does not need to be told twice, and he takes off on the borrowed (he grins when he thinks _stolen_, and can hear Emma correcting him in his head) horse, a small vial of pixie dust burning a hole in his pocket as he heads in the direction of Lake Nostos.

It has been three hundred and sixty-four days since Killian Jones has seen Emma Swan's face, and when faced with the door of the apartment where he can hear her moving around inside, he finds himself frozen with fear, as well as anticipation.

He has a plan, albeit a bad one, but he is nothing if not persistent. He would like to think that his persistence is one of the things that she begrudgingly likes about him, but he not sure how to approach her in her cursed state. Is she as closed off as she was before, or is she a new woman - one who has never known a lifetime of tragedy? He doesn't know, and he thinks perhaps it is the not knowing that scares him the most.

He knocks.

The ache in his heart intensifies the longer he goes without seeing her, and being in the same city without being physically near her feels like someone has his heart in a vice grip. It is this feeling that allows him to keep his last remaining shred of hope - that maybe she feels the same way he does. Why else would he feel so connected to her? Why does their separation feel like a dagger to his heart if not because he has finally, _finally_ found his true love?

He understands that in order for True Love's Kiss to break a spell, it has to be reciprocated, but he also understands that she does not remember him, or anything about her life a year ago, and it is that thought that he holds on to when nearly everything else about this situation tells him that he should give up.

"Hey," he hears her voice and something inside of him trembles at the sound. He turns around and sees her, and cannot stop the grin that stretches its way across his face, because she _came to him_. "I want to talk to you," she says, watching him warily, and he forces his emotions down.

"As you wish," he says, and he sees a flicker of _something_ flash across her face, causing hope to swell up inside of him.

He walks silently beside her back to her apartment, and takes a moment to marvel at the fact that she is letting him in, into this space that she shares with her son, and he knows that she must have a very good reason for doing so. She motions for him to sit down, and before he can stop himself, he is telling her everything. He tells her about meeting her upon a giant's beanstalk, and how that day she had not only stolen a compass from him, but his heart as well. He tells her about coming to her town, nearly getting killed after being hit by a car, and how she had traveled to New York to save his life (something that he found out much later, a moment he can remember so clearly, because he thinks that was the moment when he fell truly, irreversibly in love with her), and tells her about Neverland, and saving Henry, and finally about the curse that had sent her here, away from her family, while they were very likely fighting for their lives in the land of her birth.

To her credit, she does not interrupt him, but he can see how uncomfortable she is by what he is telling her, and he knows that it must sound completely mad, but he needs to convince her. He can't live another day without her knowing him, and the desire to try to kiss her memories back in place grows stronger each minute he is in her presence.

"Please, Emma, you have to trust me." He extends an arm towards her, but quickly retracts it when she flinches away from him. He doesn't want to scare her. "Have I told you a lie?"

That look flickers across her face again, and he lets her study him for a moment, because he is willing to do anything to make her see that he has nothing but the best intentions, that he is here for _her_. Slowly, he reaches into the pocket of his jacket and draws out the vial of potion that will bring back her memories. He places it gently on the table that is in between the two of them in the kitchen, and doesn't say another word. She is incredibly clever, and he can tell by the way that her eyes widen that she knows what this is.

She stares at the vial, and he is surprised to find that his hands are shaking where they rest on the surface of the table in front of him, and he clenches his jaw to try and restrain his nervous energy. "This is your choice, Emma. I'll leave you to decide." He is halfway to the door when she calls out.

"Wait!"

His heart pounds in his chest as he stops mid-step, and he turns to face her as she approaches him, the potion in her hands. "I don't… I don't want to be alone when this happens."

He does reach for her then, and slowly threads their fingers together as she brings the vial to her lips, making eye contact with him before tipping her head back.

For a moment, nothing happens, then suddenly, she is staggering forward and he catches her against his chest, a terrifying feeling settling over him when she doesn't say anything, just breathes heavily against him. "Emma? _Emma._"

She is still not moving, and he is more terrified than ever than Regina did something wrong, that it didn't work, that Emma is lost to him forever, that he doesn't even register that she is saying his name, his true name, over and over.

"Killian…" She breathes, and his heart is swelling inside his chest.

"Swan?" She takes a step backwards, and he sees tears in her eyes briefly before she launches herself at him, crushing him in a hug so tight he can barely breathe. He doesn't complain, simply wraps his arms around her just as tight because she remembers, she _remembers_.

"You came back for me?"

He lets out a sound halfway between a sob and laugh, "Always, my love, always, I'll always —" He is interrupted by the press of her lips against his, and whatever else he was going to say fades away. He spins them around and presses her against the wall, all of the emotions he had been painstakingly hiding away coming out at once. He kisses her desperately, as if he'd never get another chance, and she kisses him back with equal ferocity, her hand carding through his hair and the other sweeping down his back, causing a shudder to run through him. A low groan bordering on growl escapes him when she rakes her nails across his scalp, and when they break apart for some much needed air, he is surprised when she brushes her fingertips against his cheekbones, her fingers coming away wet with his tears.

"Hoo- Killian…" She starts, a question in her eyes, but he cuts her off, pressing their foreheads together.

"I love you," He nearly gasps it, the feelings coursing through him so strong that it nearly makes his knees weak. "I love you, I love you, I -" she kisses him again to shut him up, and he grins before pulling away.

She is crying now too, and it alarms him until she positively _beams_ at him, a smile so bright that it nearly blinds him. "No one has ever come back for me before," she says, and he pulls her closer, unable to stop touching her.

"Listen to me." It's a command and a plea all at once. "I will _never_ leave you, Emma. Not unless you wish it."

They spend the evening tangled together on her couch, talking about everything including their future (and just the thought of a future with Emma Swan is almost enough to bring him to his knees), and what is happening with her family in the Enchanted Forest.

"If I remember, does that mean Henry will remember too?" She asks suddenly, and he nods.

"Regina wouldn't have given me a potion that only worked on you," he says, and they are both silent for a minute, thinking about different things, but both coming to the same conclusion.

"I love my life here with Henry, but it's all been a lie. I… I belong back there. With my parents. With you." She whispers the last part, and he tugs her closer to his body unconsciously.

"We have a way back. I have pixie dust. There's a dormant portal not far from here that will take us back to Lake Nostos. The castle isn't far from there, a day or two ride at most. I prepared a small campsite at the spot before I left in case we arrive at night."

She cranes her head to look at him, and when he meets her gaze, her green eyes soften, along with his heart. "I hate to alarm you Jones, but I think I'm in love with you," she whispers, and he grins at her, a laugh escaping him when he buries his face in her hair.

"You're brilliant. Absolutely brilliant, love." She smiles at him and he feels as if all his broken pieces are slowly gluing themselves together under the weight of her smile.


End file.
